Movie Review: King Arthur

Ah. A trip to the movies with the wife to see something... anything. Granny taking the kids for a few hours, it really doesn't matter what we see. The novelty of leaving the house with my spouse and no kids in tow is enough to make a man giddy. 

Almost as giddy as the "$27 for two glasses of wine" we grabbed at the Pen. Probably should have just got a bottle or two at Cellarbrations on the way through. I see now why restaurants want to push the drinks so much. I wonder if they'd ever turn a profit if they only served food?

250ml or 125ml was the choice (I think). Being a tall man, I always select the large size of whatever is offered to me. It's a simple calculation one makes in one's head. "I'm big, so I'll have the big one." I didn't realise exactly how big 250ml is when it comes to wine though. Jesus Christ himself would have been shocked if that much wine was handed to a person at a wedding. In fact, I think that's where the expression of shock "Jesus Christ" came from.

The Pen's estuary views and a glass of wine fit for that massive giant on Game of Thrones, no kids, an exhausted wife, and 13 minutes before the movie starts. I didn't plan this date well. I debated the merits of skulling my wine and enjoying the movie quite buzzed, or leaving a third of it behind and keeping my wits. Raised a wholesome Christian, I still hear a million sermons in my ear whenever the thought of being intoxicated passes through my head. 

I didn't finish the wine. 

2 tickets to King Arthur. I'll pay for this with the business credit card. If I write a review then it's totally a business expense, I remind myself. This is technically true. I need to do more reviews on cigars. Another day, perhaps. 

Sitting in Cinema 1 at Reading Cinemas Mandurah... it's a roll of the dice if you're going to get a seat that has been booted in from behind leaving the headrest tilted so far forward you'd get a crick neck sitting there for more than 20 minutes. And as luck would have it, that was the seat I scored. My wife didn't complain about her seat. I debated for a moment whether I should try and find another. The previews were underway and I was feeling alcohollily content, so I elected to suffer the broken chair and just watch the movie. 

I hate movie spoilers, so I'll try not to give you any.

I was confused by the main actor for some time. Is he the dude from Vikings on Netflix (which I loved), or that fellow from Sons of Anarchy (which I didn't loved)? (Yes that's a spelling error well spotted don't message me). 

The movie played at a pace more akin to a Fast and the Furious or something. It made the pace of Lord of the Rings feel like an actual glacier. I can just picture the editors now chopping up the footage, and the set designers, actors, make up artists, camera crew, etc all screaming "we spent 2 weeks on that scene and you used 0.7 seconds ?! Gah!"

It goes to show that to tell a story you don't really need to labour on things for very long. But whether you'll like or loathe that aspect of it will just be personal preference. I glanced at my phone once for 7 seconds and felt completely lost when I looked back at the screen. Again, that may have been partly the bucket of wine I had earlier, but the movie did jump through scenes quickly. 

If you're literate enough to have endured this far into my rambling movie review, then I already know you know at least roughly who King Arthur was. So with that in mind you're probably able to guess whether or not you're going to find any movie entitled as such enjoyable. 

In a nutshell, I felt I got my $10 worth. 

I should say that I have something of a thing for Jude Law, who was also in this movie. I don't know what it is, but I'll watch just about anything he's in. He has the ability to make me think he'd actually do the things his characters do. Perhaps one day I'll invite him for a giant glass of wine at the Pen, and he'll be so intoxicated he'll share his acting secrets with me. 


Comfort of chair: 0 stars
Movie: 3.7 stars
Bottle of Water: 2 stars
Pods: Hard to rate as the wife ate most of them when I wasn't paying attention
Wine at The Pen: 4 stars, will probably order a smaller glass next time. Felt too ashamed to ask for a take home flask. 

Link to a trailer if you want to watch it.

Di Prinzio Properties

Di Prinzio Properties

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Dolphins in Mandurah